As children develop, they need a sense of identity, psychosocial well-being and attachment. Adoption adds another layer to this process as adopted children must also work through issues related to loss and self-image. Telling a child’s adoption story is an important part of this journey, and it helps foster attachment and attunement. However, it is a delicate balance between sharing information and insuring the child’s privacy.
Children’s adoption stories help them understand and work through traumatic events from their past. These stories can be as simple as an account of how the child came to live with their adoptive family. For older children, more detailed accounts can include the history of their early experiences, such as a brief description of time spent in foster care and the reasons why they were removed from the birth family (e.g., abuse, neglect). Finally, a story can include the final court proceedings granting the adoption order – which is a wonderful way to reinforce the idea that their adoption is for life.
Children are able to understand and process trauma when they have the opportunity to discuss it in a safe environment. During this process, they need to know that their adoptive parents are there for them and love them. The reassurance of this can ease the tension around questions about their past and their relationship with their birth mother. It can also help them develop a sense of security that their parents will not abandon them and encourage them to trust them.